Apna Sapna Money Money.

With his debut ‘Kya kool hain hum’, Sangeeth Sivan hinted that he didn’t want anything to do with cinema that’s remotely sensible. With ‘Apna Sapna Money Money’, he drives home that point explicitly. The entire bighan-ki-jad are supposedly some diamonds that by themselves have more brains than the entire cast and crew put together, so they show up only in the first and last 5 minutes of the film. Beech mein there’s a scamster who’s got no money for rent but lots for extravagant disguises, a henpecked mechanic who’s never held a wrench in his life except for when he wants to jack off, a semi-blind pujari who can’t tell real titties from oranges so he keeps reaching out to squeeze those of a man dressed in drag, and there are subsequent lewd jokes about santra juice and neeche ka AC and an entire sequence with sandals that has innuendos like ‘andar daalo, chhota hai, tight hai’ etc.

Everyone in this insipid drab keeps spreading women’s legs to take out bags from under them and reaching out to grab the private parts of men, women and everything else. Then there are assorted unattractive women in various stages of undress who all look alike and keep thrusting their jubblies at the camera, probably causing erectile dysfunction to the director of photography of this monstrosity. And there’s a dog that keeps stealing the pujari’s lota till you want to feed them Jamaal ghota so they both need the damn lota in unison. I am getting increasingly convinced that the one thing Bollywood films ensure is that the title of ‘The worst film ever made’ changes hands every Friday. Somewhere lost in the middle is the reason why everyone wants the damn diamonds, there’s a little girl with a hole in her heart who needs 15 lakhs for surgery or she’ll die. This one is so bad that you wish you had the hole in your heart instead and you’d sooner die than suffer ‘Santa Banta and Runny Tummy’.